I’ve taken part in dozens of funerals. Attending services for close friends and family members. I’ve given eulogies and said prayers. Today we buried my step-grandfather.
I’m not sure what it is about funerals, but I never leave the same. I find myself reflecting on this one precious life. I wonder if my life is all it could be. What would my kids say about me if I died tomorrow, or next year?
When I listen to the pastors, priests, or family members speak of their loved ones with glowing memories. I wonder what my closest friends or wife would say about my five minutes on earth?
Driving home from the funeral reminded me of David Brooks book, _The Road to Character._ In fact, I think about this idea he crafted every time I leave a funeral. He introduced a thought-provoking concept:
Resume Virtues vs. Eulogy Virtues
Resume virtues are the skills and achievements you list on your resume — those experiences you feel make you hirable. Those accomplishments, educational milestones, and career successes we believe validate our existence.
Eulogy virtues are the qualities people speak about at your funeral—your kindness, humor, humility, bravery, and ability to inspire others. I loved hearing one of the grandkids talk about the leadership of our step-grandfather during the Korean War. Later in his work in aviation. These virtues shape your character and define the legacy you leave behind.
Typically, these virtues are remembered long after the resume virtues fade into oblivion.
Brooks suggests modern culture has an unhealthy emphasis on resume virtues at the expense of eulogy virtues. From a young age, we’re encouraged to focus on building successful careers, hustle, grind, chase accolades, and “win” in life.
Yet, when people reflect on their lives, it’s the eulogy virtues that often hold the most significance. I can attest to this today going to my grandfather’s funeral. People spoke of presence, and teaching them how to hook a fish, and hunt a deer. The times grandma and grandpa sang song during family gatherings.
These eulogy traits are often the unseen stuff. The interactions with family and community and church. The quiet ways they served their families and community. Like grandpa getting a second job to put the kids through Catholic school. These eulogy traits answer deeper questions about who we were as individuals, how we treated others, and what kind of impact we made on the world.
So, driving home, I thought about eulogy traits. What impact do I want to leave behind? Is it awards, and milestones, and accolades on a resume?
Or, things like courage, presence, love, and humility?
I pray for the latter.
